ryuushin1

Arg, leading is getting more and more frustrating. Anger gets built up inside and I don't feel good about it but I hate leavin people hanging but I also believe I have to think about myself also so I'm clueless on what to do.

I haven't written in a long time, mainly because I've bottled a lot of thoughts and never decided to jot them down here.

This is mainly about another philosophy of mine I guess you can say. I don't have the exact quote, but it went something like this "we're born into this world alone and leave this world alone. it must be why while we are living, we like to have someone." It is true, but for me I'd rather just be alone(in terms of relationship, not friends). Reason why is because if you get too attached, you are easily shattered. Now I'm not saying there aren't good things about a relationship but from my point of view, the bad outweighs the good.

Ok well, seeing as how I encountered a few situations where I had to raise an eyebrow and think "that doesn't sound true.." I decided to dedicate a paragraph or two so others can read what to do in my situation. So, if I said monkeys are in danger because they are being killed, would you question my validity? Would you have second thoughts on whether what I said was true? Now I know if you knew me well, you'd probably trust me but when something seems or sounds out of place, best thing to do is run it through your mind to see if there could be something false about it. The saying goes there are always 2 sides to the story but sometimes there's more than that too, so it's best to try and figure out all perspectives of the story before passing judgment.

Anyways, I was in a situation where I knew 2 close friends and they were close before too until they decided to slander each other behind each other's backs and I became the middle man. But, I knew I couldn't be biased and had to hear both sides out and though I did, I had to question both. Ya, this world is full of deceit and lies and sometimes it's easy to trust someone but remember to have 2nd thoughts or stop for a minute and think about possible outcomes or all perspectives.

Now some things about XI. I'm not sure what it is but recently we've been freakin' lucky in salvage.. it's crazy.. starting on March 6th, our 35's been flowing in like water. We've gotten 35: Skadi feet, Usukane pants, 2x Usukane head, lolskadibody, Ares legs, 2x Marduk body, Usukane hands, Morrigan feet and Morrigan head totaling that to 11 35 pieces since the 6th, pretty surreal. Anyways, I posted a new mandarin ballad :D

I wanted to post this for awhile now but it is very personal and not a lot of people know but I think it's fine now. It's also an explanation to why I was so edgy and "emo" in the past.

Anyways, back in November '03 it's when I truly experienced what it was like to have someone close pass away. My grandpa on my mom's side had trouble breathing due to smoking for so long I believe so he passed away at early 70's. I just turned 17 that year also so I guess would still be considered a young age then. Fast forward to July 4th 2004, my other grandpa passes away at 83 I think, lived quite a long life but wow 2 funerals within less than a year.. and it was when I started my new job also. Then when I least expected, a month later, my uncle, my mom's younger brother gets in a car accident and dies also =/ He and some friends were gonna go abalone diving or fishing w/e but some car cut them off on the highway and made them swerve and spin out of control and ending up hitting something that made my uncle fly out the windshield =/

Then worst happens is when we fast forward to February 2005, my dad dies of cancer. He had taken chemotherapy the year before for 6 weeks but he really hated doctors, hospitals, etc so he stopped . He basically condemned himself by doing that =/ I remember vividly the night before he died too cause I was frantic and panicking but he did pass away peacefully the next day when I found out. But anyways, I got emo easily cause of these incidents, went on for awhile because I would often have dreams of my dad somehow living through the cancer and would still be alive today. Often the dreams would feel real so very personal and emotional for me XD

Well, finally I post something.. usually I don't post much cause I'm pretty picky about what to post. Anyways, it's Chinese new year and I've gotten about 225$ from red envelopes, about 100% more than what I usually get per year so imma use that to buy a Wii lol.

And just to note that time goes by fast, here's a picture of my nephew.. I remember when he was born :/